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Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Kehilangan

Pernah kehilangan?
Aku pernah. Kehilangan kawan. Kehilangan kekasih. Kehilangan ahli keluarga tersayang.
Semuanya memedihkan. Semuanya menyedihkan.
Kehilangan mana yang mampu sesiapapun hadapi?
Bila salah satu nyawa direnggut pergi. Baik hidup mahupun mati.
Aku sedang melayani lagu cinta. Lagu airmata. Lagu jiwa. Lagu lara. Sengsara.
Dalam dunia, bukan satu orang saja yang merana. Bukan.
Ramai juga marhaen lain yang rasa apa itu sakitnya kehilangan.
Itu pasal tiada yang berani lagi mencuba. Mendekati. Menyayangi. Memberi hati.
Sebab, bila hati diberi, ada ruang dan peluang untuk ‘kehilangan’ mengambil tempat.
Siapa mampu menahan dugaan kehilangan buat kali seterusnya?
Aku tiada keyakinan menghadapinya lagi.
Untuk itu, hati aku peruntukkan hanya secebis.
Tak mahu izinkan yang lain datang menghancurkan jiwaku.
Dan mungkin yang lain juga begitu. Bahana kehilangan.
Tiada yang mahu dan sudi membuka pintu.
Untuk sesiapapun.. jelas keakuan dan keengkauan
tak akan berkesudahan~

Looking at it all

What was my dream last time I dreamt?
My undisclosed desire that I dare not pursue
Once in a while I see myself in the forms of another
It ignites the careless memories of the innocent childhood
When time is everything I have,
Worries are only misty in that future
I want to travel back to those memories of none is impossible
When all was hopeful, and I am nothing but a child
The amazing world of discoveries
The colorful dreams that are red and blue
The shyness blanketing each step I took
Will the time be envy of us, you and me?
We have the time keeper, the guardian angels,
Keeping us safe and very much alive for the rest of our lives
Looking few years back,
I can certainly see me
In that white robe, holding stethoscope or building anti-fattening machine
In the white safety cap, ruler in my hand, sketch book on my station
In red heels, tight sarong with my hair held high in tight bun, flying coast to coast
In the room full of files, big calculator in front of me, pencil in between my teeth
Looking at it all, the reminiscence that remain lingering at the corner of my mind
Brings a smile on my face