jujur, aku juga mau~

ASM,

ini status FB aku semalam petang..
apa yg aku maksudkan dengan status ini?
i stumbled upon a friend's blog post.
bila baca post terkini blog dia, aku rasa lost yang amat sangat.
tiada nama akan disebutkan disini.
dia bahagia sekarang dengan keluarga kecilnya. alhamdulillah~
aku tumpang gembira. jujur, aku gembira.
dalam masa yang sama juga aku rasa kehilangan. kehilangan sesuatu yang belum lagi aku miliki..
apakah? keluarga aku sendiri.

tanya sama hati, apa yang aku rasa sekarang?
aku rasa diri ini telah diperlakukan dengan tidak adil.
kenapa? kenapa? kenapa?
itu saja soalan yang kerapkali singgah dalam kepala.
teringat kembali, TUHAN menguji hambaNYA dengan ujian tanda kasih sayangNYA.
kemudian aku yakin, dalam bukuNYA, aku masih belum layak untuk punyai keluarga sendiri.
jadi masa ini akan aku peruntukkan untuk memperbaiki diri.
jika tidak , selamanya aku adalah tidak sempurna. serba kekurangan. dan tidak layak berkasihan.

oh hati, sabarlah.
oh fikiran, tenanglah.
oh akal, fikirkan sebijaknya.
jika jodohmu sudah tersurat,
kau temui jua.

~:speak now:~

I am not the kind of girl 
Who should be rudely barging in 
On a white veil occasion 
But you are not the kind of boy 
Who should be marrying the wrong girl 

I sneak in and see your friends 
And her snotty little family 
All dressed in pastel 

And she is yelling at a bridesmaid 
Somewhere back inside a room 
Wearing a gown shaped like a pastry 

This is surely not 
What you thought it would be 
I lose myself in a daydream 
Where I stand and say: 

Don't say yes, run away now 
I'll meet you when you're out 
Of the church at the back door 

Don't wait or say a single vow 
You need to hear me out 
And they said "speak now" 

Fun gestures are exchanged 
And the organ starts to play 
A song that sounds like a death march 

And I am hiding in the curtains 
It seems that I was uninvited 
By your lovely bride-to-be 

She floats down the aisle 
Like a pageant queen 
But I know you wish it was me 
You wish it was me (Don't cha?) 

Don't say yes, run away now 
I'll meet you when you're out 
Of the church at the back door 

Don't wait or say a single vow 
You need to hear me out 
And they said "speak now" 

Oh Oh Oh! ( said speak now.... ) 

I hear the preacher say 
"Speak now or forever hold your peace 
There's the silence, there's my last chance 
I stand up with shaking hands, all eyes on me 

Horrified looks from 
Everyone in the room 
But I'm only looking at you. 

I am not the kind of girl 
who should be rudely barging in 
on a white veil occasion 
But you are NOT the kind of boy 
Who should be marrying the wrong girl

So don't say yes, run away now 
I'll meet you when you're out 
Of the church at the back door 

Don't wait or say a single vow 
You need to hear me out 
And they said, "speak now" 

And you Say 
Let's run away now 
I'll meet you when 
I'm out of my tux at the back door 

Baby, I didn't say my vows 
So glad you were around when they said 
"Speak now"