AIRMATA RASULULLAH SAW...

Tiba-tiba dari luar pintu terdengar seorang yang berseru mengucapkan salam. 'Bolehkah saya masuk?' tanyanya. Tapi Fatimah tidak mengizinkannya masuk, 'Maafkanlah, ayahku sedang demam', kata Fatimah yang membalikkan badan dan menutup pintu. Kemudian ia kembali menemani ayahnya yang ternyata sudah membuka mata dan bertanya pada Fatimah, 'Siapakah itu wahai anakku?' 'Tak tahulah ayahku, orang sepertinya baru sekali ini aku melihatnya,' tutur Fatimah lembut. Lalu, Rasulullah menatap puterinya itu dengan pandangan yang menggetarkan. Seolah-olah bahagian demi! bahagian wajah anaknya itu hendak dikenang. 'Ketahuilah, dialah yang menghapuskan kenikmatan sementara, dialah yang memisahkan pertemuan di dunia. Dialah malaikatul maut,' kata Rasulullah, Fatimah pun menahan ledakkan tangisnya. Malaikat maut datang menghampiri, tapi Rasulullah menanyakan kenapa Jibril tidak ikut sama menyertainya. Kemudian dipanggilah Jibril yang sebelumnya sudah bersiap di atas langit dunia menyambut ruh kekasih Allah dan penghulu dunia ini. 'Jibril, jelaskan apa hakku nanti di hadapan Allah?', tanya Rasululllah dengan suara yang amat lemah. 'Pintu-pintu langit telah terbuka, para malaikat telah menanti ruhmu. 'Semua syurga terbuka lebar menanti kedatanganmu,' kata Jibril. Tapi itu ternyata tidak membuatkan Rasulullah lega, matanya masih penuh kecemasan. 'Engkau tidak senang mendengar khabar ini?', tanya Jibril lagi. 'Khabarkan kepadaku bagaimana nasib umatku kelak?' 'Jangan khawatir, wahai Rasul ! Allah, aku pernah mendengar Allah berfirman kepadaku: 'Kuharamkan syurga bagi siapa saja, kecuali umat Muhammad telah berada di dalamnya,' kata Jibril. Detik-detik semakin dekat, saatnya Izrail melakukan tugas. Perlahan ruh Rasulullah ditarik. Nampak seluruh tubuh Rasulullah bersimbah peluh, urat-urat lehernya menegang. 'Jibril, betapa sakit sakaratul maut ini.' Perlahan Rasulullah mengaduh. Fatimah terpejam, Ali yang disampingnya menunduk semakin dalam dan Jibril memalingkan muka. 'Jijikkah kau melihatku, hingga kau palingkan wajahmu Jibril?' Tanya Rasulullah pada Malaikat pengantar wahyu itu. 'Siapakah yang sanggup, melihat kekasih Allah direnggut ajal,' kata Jibril. Sebentar kemudian terdengar Rasulullah mengaduh, karena sakit yang tidak tertahankan lagi. 'Ya Allah, dahsyat nian maut ini, timpakan saja semua siksa maut ini kepadaku, jangan pada umatku.' Badan Rasulullah mulai dingin, kaki dan dadanya sudah tidak bergerak lagi. Bibirnya bergetar seakan hendak membisikkan sesuatu, ! Ali segera mendekatkan telinganya. 'Uushiikum bis shalati, wa maa malakat aimanuku' 'peliharalah shalat dan peliharalah orang-orang lemah di antaramu.' Diluar pintu tangis mulai terdengar bersahutan, sahabat saling berpelukan. Fatimah menutupkan tangan di wajahnya, dan Ali kembali mendekatkan telinganya ke bibir Rasulullah yang mulai kebiruan. 'Ummatii,ummatii,ummatiii?' - 'Umatku, umatku, umatku' Dan, berakhirlah hidup manusia mulia yang memberi sinaran itu. Kini, mampukah kita mencintai sepertinya? Allahumma sholli 'ala Muhammad wa baarik wa salim 'alaihi Betapa cintanya Rasulullah kepada kita.

kelahiran :)

been so long.. officer aku dah bersalin. yes..penantian ku tak lama lagi kan berakhir :)
disamping bersyukur dengan segala yg terjadi..

exam fina 31 Oktober 09 and 2 November 09 :) hoyea..

Final Day

hmm, aku duk sorang2 kat opis..
tenang je rase, sunyi..mcm ni la kut dlm kubur nanti (kalau kat kubur boleh bawak PC)

hmm, hai asyik mengeluh je aku ni..

hmm, sebenarnya org lain semua dah balik..ari ni ari last aku kerja sebelum on leave from esok sehingga 27 September 09. lama tu..aku tak pernah cuti lelama camni :) anyway, based on mama's request ;p

hmm, td selesai briefing handing over task dengan kak Huieda. lepas aku balik cuti raya ni terus tak jumpa dia dah..on maternity leave terus. mungkin masuk semula pertengahan Disember 09 nanti.

hmm, anyway sikit2 rase mcm lost gak, mungkin sbb aku sebelum ni banyak bergantung dengan dia untuk kerja2 Scholarship..she has imprinted he 'brand' on Scholarship..hilang identiti aku selama dulu2 pegang Scholarship :p (or mungkin dulu sebab aku tak ade identiti..kui kui kui)

i am very-very grateful for her and my work has improve significantly since the taking over from kak Huieda :) so, BIG '" Thanks" to you, kak!'

hmm, final day..kenapa aku namakan post kali ini Final Day? mungkin sebab hari ni final day aku berpuasa di bulan Ramadhan sambil bekerja di office sambil handing over tasks kak Huieda sambil last day jumpe Kak Huieda sebelum dia on leave 2 bulan lebih sambil taip di sini sambil dikelilingi oleh PC PC yg tak bertuan -sebab semua org da balik dan aku masih disini..final day dengan Encik Suhaimi sebab naik raya kami dijangka dapat bos baru..hmm, ntah la..

hmm, ntah bila aku akan on9 lg..maklum, PC kat umah dah patut campak dlm tasik jd tukun jew..

so, dikesempatan ini kepada DD, cepat la balik umah, tlg kemas2 umah nak raya..jgn asik nak mkn kueh raye je..lgpun pesanan ni khas untuk kamu sebab kamu je yg folo blog aku..heheh.

ok, semoga selamat balik kampung dan selamat balik ke office semula... :)

15 SEPTEMBER 2009

Mama's birthday :) i love mama so very much!!!!

so many thoughts and so many things to do

my weekend baru saje berlalu..mcm2 yg aku buat bagi mengisi masa lapang :)
i wish i can record everything verbatim!

copy and paste :) subhanALLAH

-Diterima oleh seorang sahabat. Satu pedoman yang menarik dan baik-assalamualaikumAku dpt email ni dr kenalan.. tak tau sejauh mane kebenaran.. sebab sepanjang 22 tahun aku hidup selaku anak Kelate tak pernah terserempak ngn penguatkuasa yg menjalankan tugas sekitar mall mcm cite kat bawah.. btol ke tak cite nih.. the most important thing is what can we learn from the story.. Layan

.Kalo Tuhan tu baik,kenapa buat neraka? Ini kisah benar..kisah seorang gadis Melayu, beragama Islam, tapi cetek pengetahuan tentang agama. Ceritanya begini, di sebuah negeri yang melaksanakan dasar 'Membangun Bersama Islam', kerap kali pihak berkuasa tempatan menjalankan pemeriksaan mengejut di premis-premis perniagaan dan kompleks beli-belah, untuk memastikan para pekerja di premis berkenaan menutup aurat. Aku tak pasti berapa jumlah denda yang dikenakan sekiranya didapati melakukan kesalahan, tapi selalunya mereka akan diberi amaran bagi kesalahan pertama, dan didenda jika didapati masih enggan mematuhi garis panduan yang ditetapkan. Lazimnya dalam setiap operasi sebegini, seorang ustaz ditugaskan bersama dengan para pegawai pihak berkuasa tempatan. Tugasnya adalah untuk menyampaikan nasihat secara berhemah, kerana hukuman dan denda semata-mata tidak mampu memberi kesan yang mendalam. Dalam satu insiden, ketika operasi yang dijalankan sekitar 2005, seorang gadis yang bekerja di salah satu lot premis perniagaan di Pasaraya Billion telah didapati melakukan kesalahan tidak menutup aurat. Maka dia pun kena denda la...setelah surat saman dihulurkan oleh pegawai PBT, ustaz ni pun bagi la nasihat, "..lepas ni diharap saudari insaf dan dapat mematuhi peraturan..peratura n ni bukan semata-mata peraturan majlis perbandaran, tapi menutup aurat ni termasuk perintah Allah. Ringkasnya, kalau taat segala perintahNya, pasti Dia akan membalas dengan nikmat di syurga..kalau derhaka tak nak patuhi perintahNya, takut nanti tak sempat bertaubat, bakal mendapat azab di neraka Allah. Tuhan Maha Penyayang, Dia sendiri tak mahu kita campakkan diri ke dalam neraka..." Gadis tersebut yang dari awal mendiamkan diri, tiba-tiba membentak "Kalau Tuhan tu betul-betul baik, kenapa buat neraka? Kenapa tak boleh sediakan syurga je? Macam tu ke Tuhan Maha Penyayang?" Mungkin dari tadi dia dah panas telinga, tak tahan dengar nasihat ustaz tu..dah la hati panas kena denda sebab dia tak pakai tudung.. Ustaz tu terkedu sekejap. Bahaya budak ni. Kalau dibiarkan boleh rosak akidah dia. Setelah habis gadis tu membebel, ustaz tu pun jawab:

"Dik, kalau Tuhan tak buat neraka, saya tak jadi ustaz. Berapa sen sangat gaji saya sekarang. Baik saya jadi tokey judi, atau bapa ayam.. hidup senang, lepas mati pun tak risau sebab gerenti masuk syurga. Mungkin awak ni pun saya boleh culik dan jual jadi pelacur. Kalau awak nak lari, saya bunuh je.
Takpe, sebab neraka tak da. Nanti kita berdua jumpa lagi kat syurga.. Kan Tuhan tu baik?"
Gadis tu terkejut. Tergamak seorang ustaz cakap macam tu? Sedang dia terpinga-pinga dengan muka confused, ustaz tu pun jelaskan: "perkara macam tadi akan berlaku kalau Tuhan hanya sediakan syurga. Orang baik, orang jahat, semua masuk syurga..maka apa guna jadi orang baik? Jadi orang jahat lebih seronok. Manusia tak perlu lagi diuji sebab semua orang akan 'lulus' percuma. Pembunuh akan jumpa orang yang dibunuh dalam syurga..perogol akan bertemu lagi dengan mangsa rogol di syurga..lepas tu boleh rogol lagi kalau dia nak..takde siapa yang terima hukuman. Sebab Tuhan itu 'baik'. Adakah Tuhan macam ni yang kita nak? Awak rasa, adil ke?"; tanya ustaz. "Ah..mana adil macam tu. Orang jahat takkan la terlepas camtu je.." rungut si gadis. Ustaz tersenyum dan menyoal lagi: "Bila tuhan tak adil, boleh ke dianggap baik?" Gadis tu terdiam. Ustaz mengakhiri kata-katanya: "Adik, saya bagi nasihat ni kerana kasih sesama umat Islam. Allah itu Maha Penyayang, tapi Dia juga Maha Adil. Sebab tu neraka perlu wujud. Untuk menghukum hamba-hambaNya yang derhaka, yang menzalimi diri sendiri dan juga orang lain. Saya rasa awak dah faham sekarang. Kita sedang diuji kat atas dunia ni. Jasad kita bahkan segala-galanya milik Allah, maka bukan HAK kita untuk berpakaian sesuka hati kita. Ingatlah; semuanya dipinjamkan olehNya, sebagai amanah dan ujian..semoga kita dapat bersabar dalam mentaati segala perintahNya, untuk kebaikan diri kita jugak. Assalamu'alaikum. "
-- "Death is just the beginning"

susahnya..

yesterday i went to kajang to hunt for my baju raya. i brought mama along with me to help in choosing the best she can for me..aku takda mood nak cari baju tahun ni..hmm~~ (looooong sigh~)

it will be my 1st year celebrating raya without him. i remembered last year kami pakat pakai baju raya yg sama color..-org kata sense of belonging- but not this year..
deep down inside i fully understand and accept the fate that is already decided for me :) no regret. cume kadang2 terasa gak sikit..tiba2 teringat, tiba2 terkenang, tiba2 terfikir-kalaulah...

anyway, kami masuk ke kedai yang 1st kami jumpa..i let mama choose for me 100%..terpulang pada mama nak pilihkan yg mana, aku bayar je..as long as kena dengan tema family aku tahun ni. tak sampai sejam kami keluar dengan menjinjit satu beg bungkusan baju raya. well, apa kaitan tajuk post ni dengan cerita aku kali ni? hehe, susahnya nak cari saiz yg seswai dengan jiwa aku :( susahnya bila saiz pinggang dan dada tak seperti patung mannequin yg ada dalam kedai tuh..

mama masuk dlm fitting room untuk tengok aku bersalin-bersalin baju ok..malu plak :p tak kisah la mase kecik2 dulu..ni dah tua bangka, perlu kee??? hehe, the reality did happen. so, i bought that baju. dengan perasaan yg puas hati..tak saba nak bergaya masa raya nanti :)

T&Co.

thanks Dee for giving this to me :)
i'm in heaven~~~~ weeeee...

Khatimah Cinta - 6ixth Sense

Bintang Malam

nyanyikan lagu

Rindu hatiku

yang terpendam

Bintang malam lukis wajahku

Katakan aku pergi

Genggamlah cinta yang ku berikan

Simpanlah selalu dalam hati

Ku akan selalu dalam mimpimu

Menemani tidurmu

Sudahlah sudah

Ku harus pergi

Jangan kau tangisi aku lagi

Biarku bawa seluruh cintamu

Ku dakap dalam tidur panjangku

Peluk tubuhku

Kucup bibirku

Relakan saja aku pergi...

Inna Lillahi wa Inna IlaihiRa Ji'uun

The meaning of " Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilahi Raaji'oon" & seven names of AllahInna lillaahi wa inna ilayhi Raaji'oon Yeah, sure we say this statement when someone dies.Also some of us may say this sentence when they lose something, suffer a setback or harm. But......... ..do you know what it means?Sure, everyone know that it obviously means 'To Allaah we belong and to Him is our return.'But that's not what I am talking about. I mean ....do you REALLY, TRULY understand these words and their implications in a Muslim's life? It means ....whatever we have is not really ours. It belongs to Allaah.Take a look around you; everything you see, all that you have and all that there is....in you, on you, around you....belongs to Allaah, alone.It is Allah Who has given you all the property and goods you possess, and that He is the true Owner of them all.So the cars that you own, the houses that you live in, the businesses you possess all truly belong to Allaah The kids that He blessed you with, the health that He gave you, the time that He has allowed you are all Allah's property.Even the bodies we live in and the life that we have belongs to Allaah alone."And to Allah belongs the inheritance of the heavens and the earth...." (Surah Aal-Imraan:180) "The kingdom of the heavens and the earth and everything in them belongs to Allah. He has power over all things." ( Surat al-Ma'ida: 120) 'Say: 'To Allah belongs the East and the West...' (Surah al-Baqarah:142)Now, since everything belongs to Allaah, then we have to include even our souls in that list.. The very souls that we think of as our "self"; our "nafs"; our "being" -- whatever you want to call it -- that very thing that distinguishes you from the rest of the world, belongs to Allaah. It's not YOURS.In fact, YOU are not YOURS. You belong to Allaah.And this is the essence of the concept of slavery to Allaah in Islam.And since He is the true Possessor of everything, and everything is His property, He allots what He wills to whomever He wills...A 6.and then He takes it away. After all, it was Allaah's to begin with. So He may give you some thing and then take it back after a while.. He will bless you with a precious child that you love dearly...and then He may take it away. He will grant you money, honour and status......and then He may take it away.He will give you youth, vitality and health and then surely He will take it away. In fact everything you have will only be with you for a very short while.And then the Owner will claim His Right. So when Allaah does reclaim what was rightfully His, WHY MOURN OUR LOSSES?Just like a friend who lends you his book. And then after a few days, he wants it back and you give it back to him...no regrets..... no sorrow....no questions asked. Similarly, if Allah takes back some of His blessings upon you for some reason....so be it. Say Alhamdulillaah.Don't grieve.Be patient.0A Submit to the will of Allaah, being pleased with His decision for you. For surely He will only do what is best for you.Just think.....The Owner came and took it back.. Remember.... that you're not the real owner.....you were NEVER the real owner to begin with. You only had everything because it was Allah who gave it to you in the first place. If He didn't give it to you, you wouldn't have had it in any way...in fact, you couldn't have had it. Remember.... .man enters into this world empty handed...and leaves it empty handed.. Remember.... that everything we have, all the blessings we enjoy, are gifts from Almighty Allah....gifts that we enjoy for a limited period until He takes them away whenever He deems fit. They are a trust from Allah...a loan to you....to see how you respond to these gifts from Allaah and how you use them.....in the obedience of the Almighty, thanking Him and worshipping Him......OR. ........to the disobedience to the One Who gave then to you in the first place.Take note of the words of the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) on the=2 0occasion of the death of his son, Ibraahim:'Our eyes are filled with tears, our hearts with grief, but we say nothing with our lips except that which pleases Allah.... Verily, to Allah we belong, and to Him we return.' (Bukhaari)And we all know the famous incidence about the companion Abu Talha and his wife when one of the sons died and Abu Talha was not at home. She washed and shrouded him and when Abu Talha came home and asked about his son, she said,'The child is quiet and I hope he is in peace....' (Bukhaari)Subhaan Allaah....such patience!And such Imaan in the statement "Inna lillaahi wa inna ilayhi Raaji'oon"!She truly understood its meaning and the affect it should have on her life as a Muslimah, submitting to him and being pleased with whatever He has decreed for her.She knew that whatever she has, is not truly hers. Rather, it is Allaah's.... and He took back whatever He owns at its appointed time.And it is because of this Imaan so strong, this understanding, that the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) made dua for them and Allaah ble ssed them immensely."'They (i.e. Abu Talha and his wife) had nine sons and all of them became reciters of the Quran (by heart)." (Bukhaari)"Be sure we will test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives, but give glad tidings to those who are steadfast, who say when afflicted with calamity: 'To Allah we belong and to him is our return..' They are those on who (descend) blessings from Allah and mercy and they are the once that receive guidance." (al-Baqarah: 155)

what a Weekend ;p

today is khamis. tomorrow will be jumaat. the day after that will be saturday. sunday da ade program. monday cuti, Merdeka day :)

6 hari dah puasa. terasa kelembikan badan..tp perut tak turun2 gak :P

esok ramai yg nak cuti. aku da terasa mcm mls melanda hidupku esok..it will also be Ain's last day as my assistant. sshnya nak cari pengganti :( huhu, sapa suruh compliment tak cukup? kan akuuuuu gak yg merana.hmm, ade la hikmahnya tu.

jumaat nak buat handing over proses dengan Ain. copy semua softcopy beliau dan serahkan kepada insan yg akan amik alih kerja beliau selepas ini. huhus..letih2..

dah masuk 2 hari kami tadarrus di office. alhamdulillah, 2 hari mengaji (aku, Ida and Afni) siap satu juz :) the least we can do. kena banyak belajar tajwid. refresh balik memory masa darjah 1. hihi

sabtu = my plan is to tadarrus dengan geng Nek Kiah di Surau Sg Sekamat. then move on to Masjid Sg Sekamat. will be going with Ecah, InsyaALLAH. then kami ade projek!! gi Kajang untuk beli kek CT Minah. Ahad, 30 Ogos 2009 birthday beliau. kebetulan ade majlis berbuka puasa ramai2 di Avant COurt anjuran keluarga Baba. Uncle Jamil initiate. majlis start jam 5.00. aku plan ngan Ecah whether nak celebrate ngan family baba (so that Minah will have the experience being the star of the day)

OORRR, we can always celebrate beforehand. on the 29th malam. hmm, itu pon kire menjelang hari jadi gak tuh! hehe (tukang makan will be me-of course!, Ecah n Minah. Baba ngan Mama kureng skit kek nih..) cadang nak beli Secret Recipe. cari yg sugarless punya :p minta baba sponsor Domino's pizza. yoshh!!!

tak sabar lagi..terliur sudah!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrJ82d0Ph2A

adik balik

sabtu lepas adikku balik. moto dah macam mat rempit :( huish, makin kering mamat niih. makan kuat juge..tak bleh blah tul..

ade sebab dia balik hari tu..mama dah marah. ngape la suke sangat ngan rokok tuh? perabis duit, perabis masa, perabis mcm2 lg.hmmph!

aku tanya adikku, napa lama tak balik? katanya "segan la, takde dwit" (dia janji akan balik bila tangan penuh dengan gaji) so, aku kata, "apa yg hang janjikan dengan aku dulu masa sebelum hang gi keluar dr rumah" ...dia diam,

~~ dia ingat balik, then tersipu2..~~aku pernah cakap, "hang mesti balik rumah (lapor diri) setiap 2 minggu sekali. cukup la kalau takleh nak balik tiap2 minggu pun.. "
(aku phm la, org dah kerja mmg bizi :{ ) tp ni dah nak masuk beberapa bulan tak balik jenguk mama. geram betul aku dibuatnya..mama dah sedih. hu, sekali mama sedih, aku tak tahan :( nak nangis pun ada..

aku kata kat dia, "hg nak buat apa pun, nak melingkup sekalipun, hang jgn buat mama sedih. hang jangan buat mama marah..kalau tak, aku sendiri datang tumbuk muka hang" (as if i am soooo powerful to do that :p)

then dia buat muka insaf :p busuk2 dia, still adik aku, darah daging aku. hm, tak sampai ati nak 'masak' dia lama2..huish!

adik....adik...

Menanti Di Barzakh

Ku Merintih, Aku Menangis,

Ku Meratap, Aku Mengharap,

Ku Meminta Dihidupkan Semula,

Agar Dapat Kembali Ke Dunia Nyata,

Perjalanan Rohku, Melengkapi Sebuah Kembara,

Singgah Di Rahim Bonda, Sebelum Menjejak Ke Dunia,

Menanti Di Barzakh, Sebelum Berangkat Ke Mahsyar,

Diperhitung Amalan, Penentu Syurga Atau Sebaliknya,

Tanah Yang Basah Berwarna Merah, Semerah Mawar Dan Juga Rindu,

7 Langkah Pun Baru Berlalu,Usai Talkin Penanda Syahdu,

Tenang Dan Damai Di Pusaraku,Nisan Batu Menjadi Tugu,

Namun Tak Siapa Pun Tahu Resah Penantianku,

Terbangkitnya Aku Dari Sebuah Kematian,

Seakan Ku Dengari,Tangis Mereka Yang Ku Tinggalkan,

Kehidupan Disini Bukan Suatu Khayalan x2

Tetapi Ia Sebenar Kejadian x2

Kembali Oh Kembali,Kembalilah Kedalam Diri,

Sendirian Sendiri,Sendiri Bertemankan Sepi,

Hanya Kain Putih Yang Membaluti Tubuhku,

Terbujur Dan Kaku,

Jasad Terbujur Didalam Keranda Kayu,

Ajal Yang Datang Dibuka Pintu ,

Tiada Siapa Yang Memberi Tahu,

Tiada Siapa Pun Dapat Hindari,Tiada Siapa Yang Terkecuali,

Lemah Jemari Nafas Terhenti,Tidak Tergambar Sakitnya Mati,

Cukup sekali Jasadku Untuk Mengulangi,

Jantung Berdenyut Kencang,

Menantikan Malaikat Datang,

Mengigil Ketakutan Gelap Pekat Dipandangan,

Selama Ini Diceritakan x2

Kini Aku Merasakan x2

Dialam Barzakh Jasad Dikebumikan x2

Ku Merintih, Aku Menangis,

Ku Meratap, Aku Mengharap,

Ku Meminta Dihidupkan Semula,

Agar Dapat Kembali Ke Dunia Nyata,

cik anis ngan ira..

mengapakah selalu aku yg menjadi pelakon tambahan??

aku nak jd pelakon utama!!! uhuk uhuk..

ewwwwww!

facebook

i just reconfirm my password (fb) dah sekian lama ku tunggu benda ni..naik berjanggut..da nak give up..banyak yg nak kena edit nih..gmbar2 dengan tun dulu ade aku uplod..nak padam or not? huhu..kekadang aku geram..masih berdendam? maybe..sakit hati aku mmg takdapek nak tolong :(

susah nak yakinkan diri yg dia hanya manusia biasa dan tak lari dari buat kesilapan..aku rasa dia demon yg menjahanamkan idup aku..huhu..

baru selesai delete dia from fb list aku..puas hati?? heh, of course! :)

Semester baru datang lagi..

Semester baru datang lagi..satu lagi jangka masa yang akan menguji tahap 'ketahanan' semua orang.

Teringat masa mula2 datang sini untuk daftar (part 1 TESL)…tiada mama, baba atau adik2 yang datang sama memberi semangat dan sokongan. Everything was on your own…

… lepas tamat pengajian dalam bidang perakaunan (diploma) di Dungun Terengganu selama hampir 3 ½ tahun bermain dengan calculator, aku dapat tawaran sambung belajar lagi di tempat lama. Tempat dimana 1001 kenangan pahit manis aku cipta dengan kengkawan, ‘cikgu2’, staf2 dan ramai lagi termasuk pakcik bas dan pakcik van! Kursus yang ditawarkan, memang aku minat! (TESL, tapi, mod pengajiannye tak best- part-time!! huhu…) Jadi, harapan nak score tu, mmg dah lama aku pendam dan peluang nak realisasikannya mmg datang pada waktu itu..

Aku berbincang dengan mama dan adik aku. Nampak sangat mama tak bagi aku pegi..maklum la baru aje tamat blaja kat ganu dah nak pergi semula. Rindu belum habis nak kena berpisah lagi…mama tak sanggup! Ecah(adik) pun mengecam tindakan aku nak sambung lagi..bukan marah, tapi kesal sedikit kerana dalam banyak2 universiti, kenapa yang jauh juga jadi pilihan??Tempat lama pulak tu.. Memang la diorang semua tak berkenan. Tinggal la aku sorang berendam airmata..ditelan, mati emak, diluah mati bapa. Mana satu pilihan yang terbaik? Keluarga atau cita2? Aku beristikharah…selama lebih seminggu, aku pujuk hatiku sendiri. Meyakinkan diri ada hikmah disebalik semuanya ini..rezeki ada dimana2 dan satu hari nanti balasan kepada orang yang sabar sangat manis!

2 minggu sebelum tarikh pendaftaran, aku bercuti di Bagan Lalang, Sepang Selangor (tempat favourite baba sbb dia minat memancing!) Suasana sangat menenangkan..pada petang itu, mama mengajak aku berjalan2 tepi laut nikmati angin petang..aku mengekor saja..setelah lama kami berjalan, mama ajak aku duduk melepaskan lelah atas batu kat bawah pokok. Aku beranikan diri bertanya lagi akan keputusannya ttg cita2 dan kehendakku.” Ma, betul ke along langsung tak leh sambung?”, mama memandang wajah ku, tak lama selepas itu, mama jawab “ betul ke hang nak sambung lagi kat sana, long? Kenapa jauh sangat…lama pulak tu. Hang pompuan, empat tahun bukan sekejap, long. Puas aku tunggu hang grad diploma 3 tahun. Ni hang nak pergi lagi kat dungun tu…ada apa kat sana? Hang ada pakwe kat situ?” Aku tersentap! Tegas aku membalas. Aku terasa sangat jatuh hati dengan suasana di sana, pantainya, ombak, kolej2 yang pelbagai jenis dan rupa (setiap satunya sangat special), warga kampus yang mesra, sahabat seperjuangan, guru, kenangan dan 1001 macam benda lagi yang indah mengingatkan aku pada UiTM Dungun!! Macam magnet yang tarik segala fikiran aku ke arahnya! “mana ada la mama…along nak pergi sebab along minat dengan course tu. Bukan sebab sesiapa. Sebab hati along nak pergi sangat kat sana sambung belajar. Along tak nak ade diploma saje..along nak sambung, ma..” Dalam hati, rasa sebak tak terkata. Aku sedar mama banyak bekorban selama aku di UiTM Dungun tu…

Ceritanya, masa diploma dulu, PTPTN aku dipotong kerana result semester ke4 ku jatuh mendadak akibat terlalu ‘khusyuk’ berpersatuan disana. Salah aku juga kerana tak mampu membahagikan masa dengan baik…semasa sem ke6 aku terpaksa tanggung sendiri segala perbelanjaan. Apalagi, semasa itu, aku keluarkan duit tabung nuri ku dan kalau tak cukup, talipon mama minta masukkan duit dalam affin bank! Rupanya, aku masih tak serik dan semasa short course terakhir(aku bajet aku akan grad lepas buat short kos ni; paper far 350. Paper lain sume aku dah amik..dengan harapan aku boleh lepas dengan sekali amik je!tapi rupa2nya allah nak uji aku lagi) aku kantoi 2 paper!! Tersangkut tax 370 dan far 300. Masa tu, putih muka aku, pucat tak berdarah…soalan pertama dalam kepala aku, duit! Mana nak cari duit tampung belajar? Aku takut nak tepon mama kat umah diKajang sebab aku tahu mmg salah aku sendiri tak belajar sungguh2!

Akhirnya aku datang lagi kesini untuk meghabiskan diploma aku dengan part 7! Malu usah cakaplah…tapi oleh kerana ramai juga kawan2 yang se’kapal’ , aku menyalahkan paper dan pembuat kertas soalan…dan sem ketujuh itu aku lalui dengan penuh enjoy lagi! Resam manusia tak akan sedar walaupun dah berkali2 ter’hantuk’. Selalu saja berada di ‘zon selesa’ walaupun tahu diri sendiri mampu mencapai target yang lebih tinggi sekiranya berusaha lebih sedikit..aku mmg malas!!!

Setelah melalui sem ketujuh yang sangat selesa,(dan aku grad dengan CGPA 2.61. Tak la hebat mana tapi, aku grad la jugak nak dibanding dengan kawan2 lain yang se’kapal’ dulu still sangkut ke part 8!) Aku akhirnya berjaya memakbulkan harapan mama dan baba yang teringin nak tengok aku naik pentas amik diploma. Mama pernah kata, “aku tak kisah hang grad dengan keputusan yang macam mana, janji aku dapat tengok hang pakai jubah konvo, naik pentas dan amik diploma tu! Yang lain, lantak la, aku tak kesah, long!” Aku sangat terharu. Itulah, kasih ibu bawa ke syurga…namun, aku sayu juga sbb mase konvo tu, mama tanya aku, “ long nape budak2 tu pakai selempang kaler pink long? Lain je mama tengok” dengan selamba (yg dibuat2, padahal dalam hati aku nak nangis!)Aku membalas, “ tu budak2 yang dapat anugerah naib cansellor Ma, keputusan doirang 3.5 ke atas setiap semester. Jelas dimataku wajah mama yang sedikit terkejut dan ada riak kecewa diwajahnya. Aku paling kan wajah ketempat lain. Malu dan turut merasa kekecewaan mama pada waktu itu…dan aku berazam nak bagi wajah tua itu tersenyum lebar semasa aku grad untuk degree nanti!!! itu janji aku dalam hatiku.

…kemudian, mama ‘serang’ aku lagi dengan soalan yang agak meruntun hati, “ hang nak bayar yuran dengan ape? aku tak de duit, baba….hang pun tahu macammana baba cari duit, kan? belanja rumah pun kadang2 dia tak bagi long. adik2 hang nak sekolah lagi…cube hang pikir, 800 tu mahal long…baba hang tu, kalau die tak de duit pun, bukannye nak cakap kat anak2 ‘tak boleh’ kalau korang nakkan sesuatu barang tu. tapi mase nak tido die cerita kat aku! korang tak tahu. aku pun geram jugak sebab aku tak dapat nak ringankan beban dia. aku jadi geram tau tak?! ” aku diam, tekun mendengar. sedih menyapa hati…sambung mama, “ kalau hang nak sangat sambung, hang usaha lah sendiri cari duit. kerja dulu. cari duit sendiri, kumpul dan bayar la yuran hang sendiri. bukan aku tak nak tolong, tapi, aku nak hang berdikari! aku tahu hang main2 kat sana. sebab, duit ni, kalau senang kita dapat senang kita ‘buang’ duit, mmg kita takkan hargai susah senang nak dapatkannya. bila hang usaha sendiri, dan bayar gune duit sendiri, hang akan lebih sedar diri dan akan lebih tekun belajar. aku suka kalau hang kerja dulu kat sini…” panjang ‘tazkirah mama padaku. Aku mula berpeluh…’alamak, macam mana ni? aku tak pernah usaha untuk cari duit sendiri nak bayar yuran universiti! mama pulak tak nak tolong aku..matilah akuu!’ wajahku serta merta tunduk, sedih kerana merasakan yang peluang aku nak sambung TESL kat dungun akan berkubur begitu aje…kemudian, mama cakap, “emmm…kalau hang betul2 nak pegi, hang kena buktikan pada mama dan baba yang hang betul2 nak belajar. buktikan dengan result yang cantik. takde malas dan main2!” haaa….apa ni? aku tersentap lagi dan aku tersenyum ckit..hehehe…”tapi, hang kena cakap sendiri dengan baba…aku taknak bagitau. hang kena yakinkan baba sendiri!” aduhh…mama kenakan aku nih! huhu bukan apa, bile saja nak bercakap perkara serious dan soal masa depan dengan baba, aku jadi nervous dan aku pasti akan nangis akhirnya! tu yang aku lemah tuuu…tapi, oleh kerana keinginan yang membuak2 dalam hati, aku bulatkan tekad dan semangat..nak nangis pun, nangis laa…janji, ape yang aku rasa tak lagi bernanah dalam hati aku ni…

malam tu aku intai2 peluang nak ‘borak2’ dengan baba. wajahnya tenang kulihat sambil tangannya membersihkan pancing2 nya (banyak ‘giler’ pancing baba…lebih 20 buah dan macam2 jenis, saiz dan talinya. aku pun tak ingat nama setiap satu dari koleksi baba!) ku pandang kiri dan kanan (macam nak melintas la pulak!)hehehe…line clear. aku pun duduk depan baba. cari topic nak borak. hmm…pancing? huh…blasah laa… “ ba, macammane nak tahu tali mane yang sesuai untuk ikan laut? sama je along nengok! korang tak keliru ke?” huh…lepas satu soalan! baba pun explain pada aku..aku mengangguk tanda faham (atau buat2 faham?) aku pun minat jugak memancing sikit. dan tahu la ilmu pancing ikan ni…pastu, the moment of truth pun datang. aku beranikan diri menyuarakan soalan ni, “baba, along nak sambung blaja lagi la ba..boleh tak?” baba mengalihkan pandangannya dari pancing tu kat aku. aku pura2 bace cebisan kertas kat atas meja tu. Dalam hati, ALLAH je yang tahu betapa aku ‘debor’! “sambung la..kenapa pulak tanya? masa depan hang, hang la yang kena corakkan..hang nak belajar apa?” “along nak sambung TESL, ba.” jawabku sedikit lega. Aku mampu mengukir senyum padanya. “ tapi long, hang suka main. macam mana hang nak tumpu? boleh ke hang nak study lagi ni? aku tak percaya hang boleh perform kat situ nanti. kat mana kursus tu?” tanya baba tetiba. “Dungun lagi la baba” dengan bangganye aku menjawab. Baba tersentak, lantas “ Dungun lagi??? berapa tahun pulak? dua kan…wuiii…jauhhh nyaaaaa! jadi orang Dungun la hang nanti, long!” “ Empat tahun, baba” “ Empat tahun lama tu along. Hang tu pompuan. Jauh lagi. Baba tak galakkan. Baba suka hang kerja dulu. Find way to earn your own cash. Make the effort to pay the fees by your own! Lagi bagus kalau hang dapat buat kerja sambil belajar. By that way you will appreciate your time, money and never want to play around” Apa ni? aku terasa cam dikenakan kali kedua oleh baba pulak (hari tu mama guna ayat yang sama!) aku bajet cam mesti la diorang ni sehati sejiwa nak aku stay kat Kajang and kerja dulu walaumacammanapun. Huh..macam takde pilihan lain jek! Aku dah stat sebak..lagipun, course yang ditawarkan bukan full-time cam dulu. fees nya pun mahal berbanding full-time. tapi, ntah nape, aku rase kuat nak pergi jugak! (kes degil) aku dah nak nangis la mase tu, tgh dok nak cover2 tu, aku dengar baba cakap “ aku boleh bayarkan yuran hang , takde masalah. tapi aku nak bukti yang hang bersungguh2 nak belajar lagi. buktikan kat mama hang tu, kat aku ni yang hang betul2 nak belajar!” aku hilang kata2. pelbagai perasaan menekan benakku. aku rase sedikit putus asa dengan ‘dorongan’ sepeerti ini. Hilang semangat aku nak blaja lagi..mata aku kabur tiba2. empangan airmata aku rasanya takkan dapat bertahan depan baba ni, so, aku pun angkat punggung sebelum baba nampak aku nangis!

Mama masuk bilik aku pastu…dia cakap, “along, kalau hang betul2 nak belajar lagi, hang kena janji hang akan buat yang terbaik. tapi bukan sekadar janji kosong long! buktikan pada mama ngan baba dengan keputusan hang tiap2 semester. jangan la belajar kalau nak sambil lewa long, buang masa. baik la hang kahwin! lagi aku suka…emm..untuk belajar ni, aku sanggup keluarkan duit tabung haji aku bayar kan yuran hang. tapi, lepas2 tu, hang kena usaha nak cari duit sendiri. aku dengan baba tak mampu nak tanggung hang sampai bile2 long. hang kena ingat tu” aku terharu tak tau nak kata apa kat mama. Pengorbanan lagi!!! Terfikir ketika itu, mampu dan sempat tak aku balas jasa mama aku yang tercinta ni…aku nak nangis lagi. Aku peluk mama tanda cinta dan terima kasihku yang teramat padanya. Sesungguhnya terlalu banyak rahsia hati dan perkembangan diriku aku kongsi dengan mama. Aku sangat bersyukur menjadi along kepada mama dan babaku dalam keluarga kami. Terasa hidupku diberkati dan dirahmatiNYA atas kurniaan keluarga ini.

Esoknya baba, mama, aku dan adik2ku keluar ke Bandar Kajang. Destinasi kami ialah Maybank! Kenapa ni, soalku. Dan destinasi kedua adalah Bank Islam! Baba menghulurkan RM 900 yang masih keras lagi (berbau duit baru) ketangan mama. Mama ajak aku keluar dan bawa semua surat tawaran yang berkaitan sama. Aku ikut dan mula memahami tindakan orang tuaku itu. Kami masuk ke dalam bank yang hanya ada 3 orang pelanggan yang sedang menuggu nombor mereka. Aku pegang tangan mama mohon semangat. Sebak dan sayu bergaul menjadi satu membuatkan aku nak jatuh pitam. Pada waktu itu, terbayang diri ini akan melayari sampan kecil yang dilepaskan dan bakal melayari lautan luas yang tiada tepian! tiada tali dan jaket keselamatan, tiada pendayung, tiada layar dan tiada kemudi. Cabaran yang bakal aku hadapi bukan kecil dan aku sendiri sebenarnya kurang pasti dengan kemampuan serta tahap ketahanan diri sendiri. Aku jadi tidak pasti dengan keputusan pada ketika itu! “ Mama…” panggilku perlahan. “ Hang takut ye? Jangan risau la, kalau kami tak susah pasti kami bantu hang kat sana. Aku cuma nak hang belajar berdikari dan jadi lebih bertanggungjawab” Rasa sedikit tenang mendengar kata2 mama. Hilang ketakutanku, terbit pula satu azam , semangat dan tekad baru dalam hati ini agar melihat semua berbangga dan berbahagia dengan diriku satu hari nanti!

Pada pagi aku bertolak ke Terengganu,(esoknya nak daftar sebagai pelajar PLK TESL part 1 di USPP baru) aku bersarapan ‘terakhir’ bersama keluarga aku. Panjang lebar cerita baba, mungkin itu caranya menyembunyikan rasa sedihnya. Aku ketawa dan memberi sepenuh perhatian pada apa yang diucapkan. Tanpa aku sedari, mama menatap wajahku.Lama sekali…Khusyuk. Aku telah dimaklumkan bahawa aku tak akan pulang kerumah dalam satu jangkawaktu yang agak lama. Sehingga aku berjaya mendapat kerja yang boleh membantu meringankan beban yuran yang mahal ‘gila’ tu! Itu aku sematkan dalam hati ini agar tetap sentiasa ‘sedar’ diri dan sebagai azimat ketika berjauhan dengan keluargaku.

Setengah jam sebelum jam 9 pagi, aku dan family bertolak ke Hentian Bas Kajang. Aku bawak 2 beg besar, satu kotak dan bantal kepala sebiji. Mahu tercabut juga tanganku nanti!! Sebelum aku naik bas aku peluk adik2 dan baba. mama aku peluk last sekali sebab aku akan peluk dia lama! mase salam baba, aku cium dahi die. tak de ape nak malu…malah aku bangga ade pluang cium dahi baba dan mama depan orang..mmg aku sayang mama dgn baba aku..more than anything!!!

Kursus Tatatertib

today i attended the kursus and it was an eye opener! wow..banyaknya ilmu yang ALLAH bagi kat aku hari ini. but..i need to rush. nak pegi amik kurma. esok ade jamuan jabatan. sambut puasa :) i'll be making my special sandwich mmmmmmmm...

to Ddy, i miss u too sis..

• Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life , as by the obstacles that one has overcome while trying to succeed

• Time is like a river, you cannot touch the same water twice, because the flow that has passed it will never pass again, Enjoy every moment of life

words again...

"People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will forget tomorrow,Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've got ... anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,it is between you and God,It never was between you and them anyway.."

— Mother Teresa

live in twilight zone

Convo Rehearsal

i was just came back from the rehearsal from DSS. pheww..what an event :p nak gembala bebudak (manusia) adalah jauhhhhh lebih susah daripada nak gembala lembu atau halau ayam masuk reban..teruknya perumpamaan ni (even i detest it!) but that's the truth..

i'm assigned as a guide for the Academician. masuk kali ni dah 2 kali aku jadi Pemandu Perarakan Akademik. merasa pakai jubah pemandu. it's plain black without any ribbons. sekali2 perasan jadi majistret pun ada :) hahaha!

last two days (12 August 2009) i went to Ecah's convocation in UM. cantiknya dia dalam jubah tu. cantik sangat!..as a sister, i'm proud! sikit pun tak jealous dia dapat degree dulu. makin membara perasaan aku untuk gapai segulung ijazah..berkobar-kobar! wahh!
i sent our pictures to DJ and she seems to share my joy. well, aku bet dengan DJ that sapa2 antara kami yang akan konvo dulu..hehehe, time to pulun habes...

malam tadi, Amin selsema teruk..kesian aku tengok..risau pun iya juga..

oh Tuhan, selamatkan aku..

esok kelas pertama CSC208. hati aku sangat berdebar..nak nangis pun ada.. oh Tuhan, tenangkan hatiku, ALLAH....

RE: Terbaik by Prof. Kamil

today, i read an entry from "Kehidupan Ringkas Tapi Signifikan" the title of that entry is "Terbaik" . it was forwarded from a sahabat yang baik hati dan selalu memajukan ingatan2 mendekatkan diri kepada DIA. alhamdulillah dan terima kasih.

i haven't got any chance to know the blogger - Prof. Dr. Kamil. teringin juga, insyaALLAH satu hari nanti..http://www.muhdkamil.net/kehidupan/

dalam amanah tugas seharian, saya sering berurusan dengan para cerdik pandai, golongan terpelajar dan berpendidikan tinggi. namun, selama 2 tahun dalam kerjaya ini, tak terkira maki hamun yang saya terima. kadang-kadang menitis juga air mata..kadang-kadang terpegun seketika..kadang-kadang hilang segala kata-kata. terfikir saya bahawa, walaupun mereka itu berpendidikan tinggi, dipandang tinggi dimata masyarakat tetapi sangat rendah dalam berbudi bahasa. golongon ini seharus letaknya yang paling tinggi dalam konteks hirarki masyarakat Melayu, tapi jauh menyimpang dari kesedaran asal usul kejadian, yakni-segumpal darah.
bukan mengaibkan, hanyalah pengalaman yang suka saya kongsikan :)yang membuatkan saya terus kuat, tabah dan setia dengan amanah tugas ini adalah dengan kesedaran bahawa masih wujud juga sahabat-sahabat yg berpendidikan tinggi yang sedar dan syukur akan kewujudan insan-insan 'sampingan' lain yang membantu (walaupun hanya sedikit dan tidak signifikan) dalam usaha mereka mencapai puncak jaya.

walau caci maki yang saya terima, saya tak akan mengalah. saya mendoakan kebaikan untuk mereka, (moga mereka sedar satu hari nanti)perkara ini semakin menguatkan semangat saya untuk terus belajar dan menjadi golongan yang berpendidikan tinggi, tanpa sikap bongkak dan sombong. kepada yang bermegah dengan kedudukan sedia ada, saya ucapakan selamat berjaya. kepada yang selalu sedar status diri, alhamdulillah dan teruskan lagi. semakin bersinar kamu di mata masyarakat dan pandangan DIA.

terima kasih :) moga semua sahabat disini mendapat rahmat dan keampunan ALLAH, amin!

i was touched by the entry and thus i post my comment as the above. from my own experience yg tak seberapa. but there are still others who remember and willing to come back to our basic existence.

one words of wisdom that i like to share- "may the force be with you"

Selsema BABI!

UNITEN dah kena..
today we are told that 3 students dah kena quarantine, positif H1N1. 6 students dah concieve high fever for 4 consecutive days. all student are to be evacuated by today. cuti dicepatkan. staff tak cuti. but we must wear face mask in and out of UNITEN ground.
that's how serious it is.

kursus di Cherating was also being postponed to some other date that is to be informed later.

apa la yg nak jadi nih..

Ya ALLAH, selamatkan hambaMU yang lemah ini..

Dear Sahabats,
The Management of UNITEN has decided to issue an official statement in light of the 3 confirmed cases of influenza A (H1N1) among our students this morning and the rising concerns about the possibility of staff and students being infected with this virus. It must be stressed that UNITEN is working closely with the Health Department of Sepang and other relevant agencies to ensure that the situation is under control.
The decisions of the Management are as follows:
1. On the advise of the Health Department of Sepang, it has been decided that we adopt an early mid-semester break which will commence with immediate effect (note: the mid-semester break is scheduled for next week). All academic and student activities are to be cancelled and will only resume on Monday, 17th August 2009.
2. There are 3 students who have been tested positive for influenza A (H1N1) and they will be isolated at Kelompok Murni and will be under close supervision of our staff from HEP/Residence Fellow/Dispensary with the help of the Department of Health, Sepang.
3. There are 6 other students who had come down with influenza-like illness and they have also been isolated at Kelompok Murni and will be under our close supervision.
4. All other UNITEN students have been given permission to return home with immediate effect. The students have been informed to travel in their own vehicles or arranged vehicles and not to take public transport when travelling.
5. Students were briefed at 12.00 noon today at Dewan Seri Sarjana and they have been advised to observe good health habits, to avoid close contact with people who show influenza-like symptoms and to reduce the time spent in crowded settings. Students have also been advised to seek medical care immediately if they experience fever continuously for more than 3 days.
6. Some of our international students will stay in campus over the duration of the mid-semester break and they have been advised to observe good health habits and to seek medical attention if and when necessary.
7. UNITEN staff are required to work as normal but those with illness and fever should rest at home and wear facial masks to prevent infection. Similarly, staff are also advised to observe personally hygiene at all times and to seek medical care as and when necessary. Face masks will be provided to all staff of UNITEN latest by Friday morning.
8. All internal activities involving UNITEN staff shall proceed as planned. Safety and precautionary measures will be taken as appropriate such as to check the body temperature of participants before the start of each event. UNITEN’s convocation scheduled for 15th and 16th August 2009 shall also proceed as planned.
9. There will be Solat Hajat at UNITEN’s mosque tomorrow (Friday, 7th of August) under the guidance of Tuan Hj Ali Hj Ahmad to seek the guidance and help of Allah SWT.
We truly appreciate the support of all staff to ensure the control and prevention of this disease more effectively.
Thank you.

2nd TNB HR Conference

our 1st day attending this conference. it was an eye opener..banyak yg aku belajar.. :)
i like most of the speakers. walaupun makan ubat selsema, ngantuk, tapi berjaya juga aku tahan sampai akhir siaran :) seronoknya..

somewhere along the program, i've got calls from the office..AKP..boring!

can't wait for tomorrow..2nd day of 2nd TNB HR Conference :)

adios!

i hate ...

1. when people drag you to do things their way..
2. quarelling people and quarelling with people..
3. sore throat!
4. COPPA COPIA
5. audits from various firm upon how well we do our jobs
6. Thinking of You by Katy Perry (because i'm listening to it right now! it made me remember him)

it is NOT by priorities..it's just that i'm having stressful time at the moment :(

need to go to powder my nose..

ugh!

OTH season6

nak tgok OTH..mlm td tak sempat sbb ade pertandingan akhir bintang klasik nasional kat tv 2..mama conquer TV!!

weekend with no money

kami (me, mama, dj and min) went to Metro Point last week.

sshnya takde duit :( sangat tak best. i felt useless.well, at this point, i am past bearing the fact that this will goin on for another 2years! uhuhuhuh..bila nak bonus nih?

Friday the 31st

pg ni Big Cleaning Day :)

we had breakfast @ the gallery - mihun and kuih2.

kemas2 tempat kerja and kerja @ the same time is not so good idea :p because at last meja kerja aku bersepah balik!

tengahhari went out to warta. just walking around, window shopping..kami masing2 punyela takde minyak(kereta) masih mau jalan2 :) so, i was suggesting that why don't we just stay @ the office? much more convenient..kite boleh layan movie(s) but unfortunately, the girls doesn't wat to do so..kami setuju collect RM 2 from each person and topup minyak kereta annyss :p

pastu jalan la gi warta..i bought a pair of shoe- sebijik macam ibu mengandung punya..haha janji selesa!

only RM 10.00 very nice :) nanti aku amik gamba uplod dlm nih :p

tgok blog ddy td..UTP tutop?H1N1..bile UNITEN nak tutop eh...

neway, sok janji dgn mama nak bawak dy jln2 g bli kain / baju rayer..rasmikan keretaku. tp pagi cam biasalah, jogging dulu! :)

biTTer heaRT

Sun rays come down as seen when they hit the ground, Children spinning around till they fall down down down.I wait for you: it's been two hours now,You're still somewhere in town,Your dinners getting cold.I rest my case you are always this late,And you know how much I hate waiting around 'round 'round, Bitter heart, bitter heart tries to keep it all inside, Bitter heart, bitter heart shadows will help you try to hide,Bitter heart, my bitter heart is gettin' just a little fragile,Bitter heart, bitter heart of mine.And then you come and tell me the same reason as you did yesterday,So tell me whats her name. Doo doo da dum, doo doo da dum, doo doo doo doo doo doo da da dum dum, da da da da dum, da da da da dum, da da da da dum.Bitter heart, bitter heart tries to keep it all insideBitter heart, bitter heart shadows will help you try to hide, Bitter heart, my bitter heart is just getting a little fragile, Bitter heart, bitter heart of mine, of mine, of mine, of mine, of mine, of mine.

~~little journeys :)~~

blog dearie...

this morning i was late for work. @ five this morn was rainin cats and dogs. it didn't stops until 6.30. i wake-up late and rushing to prepare myself for work :) i find myself aching here and there after yesterday's jogging. hmmph..(sigh~~) but you have to what you have to do, right? kalo tak sebab doc's advice, takde nye aku buat seme2 nih! buat penat badan :p as long as i'm happy with my body then it doesn't matter anymore. buut i'm quite agree with Ben (a long time friend) if the doc has said so then, u have to do it no matter what..bukan salah i kalau i rase nervous waktu check pressure!! haha

breakfast @ the masjid. ate nasi kerabu. rindunya kat Dungun. rindunya kat kenangan masa aku hidup kat Dungun. tapi tiap kali terkenang, hati ade rase sikit getar..hmm, mcm rase berdebar2 tunggu sarung cincin... :) (boleh ke buat misal gitu??!) anyway, i enjoyed my day today. running a little bit there and here. rasenya aku nampak Ameer Zaim, a long time ago friend too..maybe he work here somewhere. tak sempat nak tegur ke nak buat2 tegur ke.. he was with his friend, and i was with Annyss, Daya, Ain and Afni. huhus, hampir je accident time on the way. ade pulak mamat Africa tu tak reti bawak kreta? tetibe menguundur time bukit! ini lulus licence ke tak ni? aku hon..(hehe, lepas gian nak tekan hon panjang.. :p)

half an hour before lunch time, Ben msg ajak lunch. pusing punye pusing, last2 masjid juge jadik pilihan. ape lagi, masakan asam tetel & ikan pari jadi pilihan. layan gak ar! it seems like most of the people i know are having post-breakup syndrome! ape nih?? musim kut... i am truly wishing everybody (my dear friends) will always happy, bahagia, dengan pasangan memasing.. i have been there -post breakup blalalala...and it was not a nice experience :p wek!

puas ati la dpt cerita2 dengan Ben..thanks Ben for the treat, tho..next time aku plak belanje ko!

abis lunch, belikan air kelapa untuk ibu mengandung..hehe

petang jog lagi..huhu, skarang jam 7.30mlm and i am really2 stinky! blog punye pasal sanggup nih! :(

dah la aku dah penat..jumpe esok :P!

happy-happy day..

hUsh hUsh

Oooooh oooohI never needed you to be strong
I never needed you for pointin' out my wrongs
i never needed pain,i never needed strain.
My love for you was strong enough you should've known.
I never needed you for judgement
I never needed you to question what i spent
I never asked for help, I take care of myself, I don't know why you think you got a hold on me.
And it's a little in the conversations
There isn't anything that you can say.
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver, so look at me and listen to me because,
I don't want to
Stay another minute
I don't want you
To say a single word
Hush Hush, Hush Hush
There is no other way
I get the final say
Because
I don't want to
Do this any longer
I don't want you
There's nothing left to say
Hush Hush, Hush Hush
I've already spoken
Our love is broken
Baby Hush Hush
I never needed your corrections
On everything from how i act to what i say
i never needed words, i never needed hurt, i never needed you to be there everyday
I'm sorry for the way i let go
Of everything i wanted when you came along
But i am never beaten, broken, not defeated
I know next to you is not where i belong
And it's a little late for explanations
There isn't anything that you can do
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver, so you will listen when i say

No more words
No more lies
No more crying
No more pain
No more hurt
No more tryin'

Smug

it's monday. i arrived at 7.20am. what a record :p i drove 'the car'. that's why i went to work early. alhamdulillah..jalan tak jem, nyehehe..

being the first to arrive is not so much actually :) hm, i found the little fish dead while i switch the fountain on. kesiannya...dah kembung perutnya.

last night i missed him so much. all of the things we went through together runs through my mind. it's not a surprise that those memories do bring tears to my eyes :( hmmmmmmm...

7 Secret to Success

I found the answers in my room... :)

1. ROOF SAID: AIM HIGH

2. FAN SAID: BE COOL

3. CLOCK SAID: EVERY MINUTE IS PRECIOUS

4. WINDOW SAID:SEE THE WORLD

5. MIRROR SAID: REFLECT BEFORE YOU ACT

6. CALENDER SAID: BE UP-TO-DATE

7. DOOR SAID: PUSH HARD TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS!

thanks to dDy.. :)

Your view on yourself: You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true. Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love: Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education: Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you: You’re a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success: You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of: You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self: You are mature, reasonable, and honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

PTD

when i heard of other people's luck what did i feel...

Ecah got a call to attend PTD examination from JPA. mom said, lucky her. but for me, lucky is when you are able to see the face of your loved ones everyday. to be able to talk to them everyday. to be able to touch them everyday :)

i believe ALLAH has planned the best for each and everyone of us. nothing to be jealous about. so, i don't feel jealousy at all :)

last night i watched 'KL Lights'. a sitcom. they were using mixed language i.e, 80% english and 20% malays. for a starters, i thing that show was interesting. easy to understand and the characters was potrayed by Naz, Daphne, hmm...and few others who i didn't care to remember their name. but they were good! i enjoyed the show :)
7.45am

i was just comin back from our Friday lunch break. makan kat kedai mamak in Precinct Diplomatik, Putrajaya. MAK AI!!Mahal gila! :( menyesal tak pegi McDee je td :( can u imagine, maggi goreng ayam n lemon iced tea costs me RM 8?! i can get one regular set of Big Mac taw! :( huhuhu...
2.45pm

nak balik dah :) akhirnya...tomorrow i'll be coming to do some schoolwork in the office outside the office hours :p hehe.
i have gotten my matrix card early this week. thanks to bro jae. semangat nih nak gi skolah lusa!
what else huh, hmm..am i goin to drive new car or old car? tak confident la :) nantilah...
ok, me out!-peace!
6.23pm

Zero Gravity

hmm, that is the name of the song i am hearing right now. it was sang by David Archuleta. a cute boy who won a place in American Idol :p

we finished our English Course this afternoon. all in all, I'm enjoying this course from the start until the end. during the end of the session, Ms. Kit gave me and Mr. M.Nasir chocolate for being active participants. all of the group got a hamper of their own and we split it all equally :)

returning to my office after the tea-break, i remembered that this afternoon i met kak Maslin and Cik Nommi. both of them are my client. one was in the country for few weeks for her husband's job updates and the other was here for final goodbye before flying off tonight to New Zealand.

seeing them makes myself determine to finish up my studies as soon as i can. i want to earn this degree for mama and baba plus my adik-adik. hmm, my lovely sisters and handsome brother. it has been quite sometime that we didn't sit and spend time together for Sob's away for he is currently working his ass off in Dengkil.

one of my sis is currently studying in UTP, Tronoh. she's in second year. the last time we visited her in TKC, Seremban. hmm, all in all she was and will be away from the family for ten consecutive years, ma!! hmm, DJ..no wonder you are a little bit off somewhere! hahaha

one sis is working in my hometown (alhamdulillah!) so she stayed at home with us :)

and the last sis, will be having her PMR this year. hmm, time flies isn't it? and sometimes i still have a feeling like I'm in a zero gravity! come on babe, wake up and smell the coffee. people move on and so am i. people meet up and people depart. people come and people go. nothing we do can stop or interfere with the course of life of each living and breathing human being in this world :)

What An Ending...

fuhh, what a day :( my second day of English Course. Miss Kit was very good with her class. i believe that each of us do have our own chance to speak up..

8.00 am to 5.30 pm was nice.. i just got back from the course and my phone rang. as usual i pick it up and said hello, how may i help him. he introduced himself and i recognize him as the husband of one of my client who are currently pursuing her studies in New Zealand.

his tone of voice is quite menacing and i don't even had the chance to defend myself! for a solid half an hour, he let out his feelings and concern about his wife and kids in New Zealand. he is now in Malaysia, working (or should i say finding new job). i heard he quit his old job for the sake of his wife studying oversea.

he said that we (all of us in my department) 'buat kerja main-main'...and he said that i am not serious in handling my job. i was speechless. i mouthed to Ain to call for my Officer and coaxing that man to speak to my Officer instead.

after i pass that line to her, i cried. while listening to him, i remembered my client's face and her hopes before she left for New Zealand. i have known the name, i have known the face, i spoke to her, dealing matters with her..when her husband put it like that, i can imagine how is she coping at the land far away. and i feel for her. it is not that i didn't put myself in her shoes but i myself have this procedure to follow. i myself have the management to refer to. and i myself got my own officers to be reported to!

the way he said it all makes me feel really like the most cruel human being in the world. as if I'm heartless bitch, working to process his wife's study allowances. the way he put it as if I'm not human at all, couldn't really feel for others :'(

this really make me sad. maybe tonight I'll be heaving diarrhea again as i did last night. yesterday was due to the theft case. and today...

is there more should we expect from this life, huh?

sfzy

Basic English Course

i'll be in a three days course starting today. our trainer, Puan Aida is a MAS VSS after 27 years of servicing and now doing translation.
it started ok, with ice braeking and so on..participants came from various TNB's anak syarikat. and they hardly speaks English. what a pity, most of them i can see they were from East Coast. the shyness is still there. it was very hard for me to communicate with them. but i tried, at least i've done my part. it is actually their part to speak up and break the barriers themselves.
after lunch, we found out that Puan Aida's laptop was missing. what an embarrasment! and here we are, UNITEN Generates Professionals...and professionals in what? theft?? OMG :(
i don't know where to put my face, as if i was the one who done that. mengapa la ALLAH tak gerakkan hati untuk kunci pintu kelas tadi...
i really hope that the thief will realize and return the laptop back. so everybody will be happy again..

life in a blink..blink..blink

What was i seeking in this so called life? satisfactions? happiness? perfection?
nobody wanted to be in a failure state, distressful.. people said that life is like a wheel. sometimes we’re up and sometimed we’re down. but not for me, i don’t think so. more to a life-long education process. where mistakes made, forgiven and try again. in the attempt of striding through this life, alhamdulillah it has been a lot that i’ve learnt, seen, heard, read about and felt…
nobody wants to face the same experience twice! especially when it is not favorable to us, of course. what we can do each tiem we face everyday, embrace it and make the best of it No, we cannot freeze the moment. but Yes, we can make that moment lasts forever and keep it beating, live it and re-live that experiences in our hearts.
when i see that tree outside of the surau (i’m @ the surau the moment i wrote this) i was thinking like how long it has been for the tree to grow there. what it had seen for all its life as a big tree at the main intersection between the mosque, and the main road of Sungai Kantan. hmm…it may have seen a gruesome accidents. hundreds maybe..or it had once or two be a shelter for the orphans, or schoole children who has finish their daily classess. or it might have been a witness for a group of bride’s escorts on their way to the reception..haha, who will ever know?!
as a living, breathing, moving flesh of human…with the akal (most valuable gift of intelligence from ALLAH)…supposedly our experience is much, much more than that tree by the main road intersection in Sungai Kantan!
have we ever put our mind to it, what will ever happen tomorrow, the week after, two month later…three years after that? have it crossed our little mind that our dreams that we built can went down the drain?
if and only if we take time to acknowledge our origins, we will definatelybe the most humble human being in the world.